Clockwork Musings

Finals.

2004-12-15T19:59:00.000-05:00

And that's all for today, thank you.

Soaring vultures

2004-12-10T01:23:00.000-05:00

Finals are bearing upon me. One exam tomorrow - later today, actually, as we're past midnight as of this writing - two days of mad studying, and four more exams.

Also on my schedule: meeting a few teachers from my department to discuss a possible change of orientation leading to graduate studies.

So, writing projects are unfortunately on hold for now, which allows me to realize that, while I have found a purpose in the grand scheme of things, I still need a more down-to-earth hobby, for these times when I need to blow steam but cannot maintain the concentration required for creative writing. Badminton would be great.

I'll continue to edit the NaNo, before sending it to a few local publishers. I'll also need to start researching for my next novel, a literary science fiction project that I've wanted to do for some time.

Another idea I've been toying with lately is a fiction serial - if one can produce three webcomics a week and put them on the web for all to see, then I can produce three 1000-word snippets of text per week. This, too, will require quite a bit of preparation and research - I'm aiming for a debut in the first few days of 2005, but that's being extremely optimistic.

This is life. This is me.

At last!

2004-12-05T01:51:00.000-05:00

I just got through the first spellchecking.

All I can say now is that modern society couldn't function without the 'find and replace' function.

A few minutes...

2004-12-04T21:55:00.000-05:00

We don't write to be published. We don't write for fame. We don't write for money - ha! I don't even write to be read, though that's always appreciated.

We write because of this visceral blaze consuming us. I write, as I can still feel the abyss beckoning me. I manage to keep it at bay - to keep myself from plunging in it - partly thanks to my craft, however poor - or great - it may be.

I've begun the editing process of my first novel, taking things rather slowly for now, finals week and a few other projects leaving me a few hours short everyday. So, I'm mostly running the thing through a spellchecker, which should take care of the typos...

And leave grammatical errors right in, along with repetitions, ambiguous phrases, and a few passages here and there than would need some working on.

As NaNo is over, and as I'm not particularly bent on publishing this thing, I'm mostly editing for myself - to finish the novel, rather than leave it as a botched, half-completed attempt at literature.

And now, to find another, taller mountain...

2004-11-29T21:59:00.000-05:00

As of this writing, my NaNo project sit, unedited, unpolished, on my desktop.

It begins with a messy breakup. It ends with the resolving of Oedipian issues.
I don't especially care about its readability - I will, eventually, when I will have started some editing work. For now, however, I'm satisfied with the results. I'm satisfied with the journey of the main character, and I'm satisfied with my journey, my experiences with this novel.

NaNoWriMo is n exercise in discovering the essence of human greatness. As Brel so eloquently put it, we are not gods; we are much more than gods. We're human.

I had some trouble, as I had what I thought were 50000 words, but NaNo's wordcouting software didn't agree with me. What followed was a 3000-word mad dash, some of the best and most thrilling I've written for this project. My final scenes went from mediocre - this project starting to drag on - to spectacularly good.

Perhaps I could have phrased the last few paragraphs better. That, however, will be for later, when I'll edit. Right now, I'll sit back, enjoy this exhilarating feeling, and bitch and moan about no one being free to go out and have a blast this evening - which isn't actually that bad, given that I do get up at seven tomorrow morning.

On an unrelated note, my mood swings of yesterday might have been caused by caffeine withdrawal. Or not.

Buy Bouncy Bubble Beverage!

2004-11-28T23:55:00.000-05:00

A newfound frenzy animates me. So much to do, so little time... My personal guess is that, in the event that my schedule would get any busier right now, I'd simply explode.

I can't help but wonder is what I feel right now is happiness, or simply a mad, frantic exhilaration whose only purpose is to prevent me from noticing my own suffering.

If I were happy, I wouldn't feel like smashing my own soul, would I?

They say that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

What if I hadn't found happiness, but simply enthusiasm? What if I had nothing to project my feelings on but myself?

The inevitable crash

2004-11-28T10:56:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess that this was bound to happen sometimes - a month of crazy energy and unbounded happiness is perhaps a bit... Unnatural, or at least implausible, given the current state of my life.

I wouldn't even go so far as saying that I'm depressed: I still have my goals, and I still have the energy to meet them. Simply, everything is see around me now is a charred ruin, this universe is a glaring imperfection, and my soul bleeds from so many mistakes.

NaNo is now at 47000 words. Once I take that first step toward what little remains to be done, nothing will stop me.

The Void of Happiness

2004-11-24T01:04:00.000-05:00

Sleep deprivation, caffeine, progress on my novel - I now have a functionnal plot outline for the last 10000 words! - and a good night of gaming made my heart soar to previously undiscovered heights.

This rush of energy is great and would inspire me to chunk out a good 3000 words or so before going to bed, but I desperately need eight hours of clean, healthy sleep, as the next two days are going to be harsh - physically and emotionally.

This is a feeling that I know I'll crave for the remainders of my days, yet so intense that, shall it eveer become permanent witthout losing any of its potency, shall surely be fatal.

Happiness so great as to make you want to slit your fucking wrists.

NaNo wordcount: 40413

Lost origins

2004-11-23T01:29:00.000-05:00

It will probably never be used, yet remains as a testimony of what I originally enviosionned for Homo Sapiens Corporens - back before it even had a tilte!

So, for your viewing pleasure, the original prologue of my 2004 NaNo effort. Hey, it's the first time any part of this mess sees a spellchecker.

Oh, I should probably mention about now that, being from Montreal, I'm fluent in both French and English. Long story short, this blog is in English, the novel is in French.

So, if you're not fluent in both langugages... have some fun! Babelfish this thing and try toi see if it doesn't make any sense because the author is insane or because of crappy automated translation software!

C’ est une sensation bien étrange, que d’être ainsi vingt mille lieues sous les mers, dans une vieille boîte de tôle, en attendant une mort certaine - ou bien pire. Le genre de situation où tout perd sa signification profonde; où tout est vide... vide de sens; vide d’émotion. Je mange. Je bois. Je dors. Tout cela, évidemment, de façon automatique, sans arrière pensée... sans pensée tout court,m en fait. Je le fais, car mon corps s’attend à ce genre de chose; car mon esprit tente de trouver des repères dans ce monde étrange et déroutant, et que les seuls qui s’offrent à lui se résument à quelques signes vitaux envoyés par un corps trop malmené. La vie... mais pour combien de temps encore?

Machinalement, je me pourvois donc à moi-même. Le reste du temps... mon corps est tel une bête enchaînée, faisant sans cesse les cents pas; remuant et gesticulant dans tous les sens; désirant âprement une liberté qui, plus jamais, ne sera sienne.

Machinalement, je rugis; je me tords; je me démène comme un beau diable contre ces parois métalliques qui seront mon seul cercueil. Le reste du temps... mon esprit est tel une bête aux abois, sentant la fin proche; toujours aux aguets, toujours prête à décharger tout cette viscérale et bestiale anxiété. Toujours prête... pour des choses qui ne se produiront jamais. La mort guette; mais elle frappera en silence.

Et je suis là, souhaitant pouvoir faire quelque chose - quoi que ce soit, nom de Dieu! - contre ce mal qui me dévore, ce mal qui me dévorera... mais rien ne s’offre à moi; et si d’audace je lâchais toute ma hargne contre ce qui m’est à portée de la main, je n’en retirerai que des poing ensanglantés par un vieil acier, peut-être me gratifiant ainsi du tétanos...

Hum. J’y songerai, si la faim ou l’angoisse se font trop fortes; la fin viendra peut-être plus vite ainsi.

Dieu, dans quel merdier suis-je maintenant.

There. Enjoy, and bear with me for the lack of editing. This will look better in December.

Alcohol-laced musings

2004-11-23T01:06:00.000-05:00

What's the world coming when you can't even trust goddamn vodka to get you drun... err, I mean, in a controlled state of higher creativity?

The charter for the University of Montreal gamers' club is complete, and will be sent throughout the bureaucracy tomorrow morning.

Meanwhile, Homo Sapiens Corporens, the NaNo, is going rather well, as I broke the 40000-words barrier today, keeping my about-one-day-give-or-takea-bunch-of-hours advance, which I've strived to keep through this nightm... err, enlightening experience.

Writing is good. Writing is the perfect drug. And, sadly, one jas never lived before one has spilled his blood on a blank sheet of paper - or an empty Word™ document.

Edit: the NaNoWirMoProMe now puts me at 40049 words. The goods news are that I have a sense of direction for the last 10000 words. The bad news is that this direction will most likely prevent me from using my prologue as it was originally written, meaning a few hundred more words to write.

Slowly, the pressure rises

2004-11-22T01:23:00.000-05:00

It's a damn good thing I could get ahead with the NaNo, as I see what little free time I had shrinking further and further everyday.

First, my efforts for creating a gamers' club at the University of Montreal have finally started to pay off - yet, to see this project come alive, I need to work on it now more than ever. So, while I do have economics tomorrow morning at 8:30, I still have to draft, edit and polish the club's charter.

Second, and mostly to promote said Gamers' Club, I have taken it upon myself to start a Vampire:the Requiem LARP game. Logistic problems will eventually arise and be dealt with in their own time; right now, however, my main concern is crafting a world that we all like with the other narrators - and, more importantly, that the players will like. Eventually, recruiting more players and an extra couple of storytellers will be a concern, too.

So, if you live in - or near - Montreal, and that sounds like good fun to you, don't hesitate to drop me a line.

Caffeine-laced euphoria is bad for typing

2004-11-20T22:45:00.000-05:00

I've been struggling with ups and downs since waking up this morning. This was not a pleasant experience. NaNo progress has thus slowed to a crawl. However, I happily noticed that one of my main characters evolved in a much more complex - much more human - way that I had intended for her at first.

This is good, as it means a higher-quality novel next week. It also mean more editing in four months - March being NaNoEdMo, National Novel Editing Month - to bring the rest of the damn thing to the same level.

College schedules, and the happiness they bring to us

2004-11-18T22:27:00.000-05:00

There are lots of good things to be said about going to college.

Having nine hours of class in a single day is not one of them.

So, despite the fact that I'm all but drained, I still managed to progress a bit on the NaNo. I'm now at 32 000 words and, while I feel that my current plotline will dry off before I hit 40 000 words, I'm confident in finding a new twist by then.

Reflections on a shattered week

2004-11-17T23:09:00.000-05:00

While the day - and the week, barring a few events here and there - has been remarquably pleasant, gazing upon the misfortunes of the past months reminds me of Neil Gaiman's words:

"When writing a novel that's pretty much entirely what life turns into: 'House burned down. Car stolen. Cat exploded. Did 1500 easy words, so all in all it was a pretty good day."

On a not-so-unrelated note, the NaNo is still going well. The dreaded second-week-wall is far behind, as I have more and more ideas for my not-so-plotless ramblings, and still manage to keep a good day's advance on schedule. Wrist pains, however, are seriously starting to worry me.

I learned yesterday that I had been published - a small novella in a college litteray journal that I had all but forgotten of. Still, good news.

All things must begin somewhere, must they not?

2004-11-17T21:35:00.000-05:00

Partly to experience what seems to be the latest craze, partly to fulfill ever greater needs to write, I've apparently decided to jump on the blogging bandwagon.

For once, indulging in something which pretty much everyone seems to find fun can't possibly be bad, meh?

This is it for now, as NaNoWriMo keeps me rather busy these days.